Hi, my friends,
Even though the Pandemic has put a pause on a lot of things around us, time
definitely isn't one of them. It is rushing by as fast as ever. In this
world where every day there is a new "semi-shocking to extremely shocking"
piece of information to take in, it almost feels like we are chasing that
one day of peace and normality. I worry that with everything going around us
we will soon become numb to a lot of painful things. And news of mass deaths
and murders will just be as normal to hear as "How are you?".
Since I last wrote the world, my own and external, has changed(a little
bit). In the outside world the lid has come off on some issues we as human
race have hid and ignored either because we thought they weren't our issues
or because it was just too much to deal with. In my personal "world" I have
returned to work now a little while ago, my furlough only lasting three
weird but necessary weeks.
Trousers - Zara, Bag - Zara, Shoes - Primark, Top - H&M
I spoke with my mum yesterday on the phone and she said "I wonder if there
will ever be a day where nothing happens again". Meaning, will there ever be
a day when our brains can just relax, reset and start again. I didn't know
what to say really. I doubt there will be. What I worried about in my
previous post came true. As soon as I started work again (still remotely), I
was and still now am back on that hamster wheel, like I never left really.
Maybe now running faster than ever. Not because the time out of work gave me
extra energy, but because my social life has stopped, so my work like starts
to feed into the non-work hours.
And, I don't know about you, but I have really struggled to focus on
normal things like work and meetings when my brain is filled with worries
about my family and friends, anger about the injustice in the world,
unkindness that we still show each other in this day and age where
everything seems to be so visible on the Internet. Which, you would think
would make some people have a closer look at themselves, but it doesn't...
Anyway, I realised I can't change my attitude towards work and success, if
the timing in my life is to run on this wheel, then I need to run.
However, I realised I need to start taking pieces of that life for myself.
Boundaries is something I have always struggled with, in work, in
friendships, relationships. I give and give to people and my work, somehow
in my brain thinking that by this endless giving I will earn the same
amount back. But - world doesn't work that way. And yes, while those other
people are guilty for taking, I am also guilty for giving, for being so
careless with myself, my mental and physical health.
So, I made the decision to move back to Latvia and work remotely there for
the time being to spend some time with my family when I can and reclaim my
free time, which has brought me some level of peace. I am currently in
self-isolation away from my loved ones. Even though the rules state I
could isolate with them and they could continue with their lives as
normal, I would never want to be responsible for anyone getting sick
because of me, especially knowing that my dad isn't in good health. As I
write this I have 4 more days of self isolation left, really nothing in
this fast-paced life. I can't wait to be able to hug my family, I feel
like my body will explode from all the love in front of me.
I hope you all are ok!
Agita
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