7/5/20

Wide Leg Trousers and Gathered Top



  
Hi, my friends,

Even though the Pandemic has put a pause on a lot of things around us, time definitely isn't one of them. It is rushing by as fast as ever. In this world where every day there is a new "semi-shocking to extremely shocking" piece of information to take in, it almost feels like we are chasing that one day of peace and normality. I worry that with everything going around us we will soon become numb to a lot of painful things. And news of mass deaths and murders will just be as normal to hear as "How are you?".    

Since I last wrote the world, my own and external, has changed(a little bit). In the outside world the lid has come off on some issues we as human race have hid and ignored either because we thought they weren't our issues or because it was just too much to deal with. In my personal "world" I have returned to work now a little while ago, my furlough only lasting three weird but necessary weeks.





Trousers - Zara, Bag - Zara, Shoes - Primark, Top - H&M

I spoke with my mum yesterday on the phone and she said "I wonder if there will ever be a day where nothing happens again". Meaning, will there ever be a day when our brains can just relax, reset and start again. I didn't know what to say really. I doubt there will be. What I worried about in my previous post came true. As soon as I started work again (still remotely), I was and still now am back on that hamster wheel, like I never left really. Maybe now running faster than ever. Not because the time out of work gave me extra energy, but because my social life has stopped, so my work like starts to feed into the non-work hours. 

And, I don't know about you, but I have really struggled to focus on normal things like work and meetings when my brain is filled with worries about my family and friends, anger about the injustice in the world, unkindness that we still show each other in this day and age where everything seems to be so visible on the Internet. Which, you would think would make some people have a closer look at themselves, but it doesn't... Anyway, I realised I can't change my attitude towards work and success, if the timing in my life is to run on this wheel, then I need to run. However, I realised I need to start taking pieces of that life for myself. Boundaries is something I have always struggled with, in work, in friendships, relationships. I give and give to people and my work, somehow in my brain thinking that by this endless giving I will earn the same amount back. But - world doesn't work that way. And yes, while those other people are guilty for taking, I am also guilty for giving, for being so careless with myself, my mental and physical health. 

So, I made the decision to move back to Latvia and work remotely there for the time being to spend some time with my family when I can and reclaim my free time, which has brought me some level of peace. I am currently in self-isolation away from my loved ones. Even though the rules state I could isolate with them and they could continue with their lives as normal, I would never want to be responsible for anyone getting sick because of me, especially knowing that my dad isn't in good health. As I write this I have 4 more days of self isolation left, really nothing in this fast-paced life. I can't wait to be able to hug my family, I feel like my body will explode from all the love in front of me. 

I hope you all are ok!

Agita


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