9/2/18

Green Cigarette Trousers and Contrasting Check Blazer

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 Hi, my friends,

Some while has passed since I last wrote, as I thought it would, because last time I wrote I was packing my life away to move to London. I cannot say I am fully unpacked yet even though an exact week has passed in my new flat, but as it normally is in my life, the move hasn't been without some "plot twists", so I am trying to straighten my life out onto the course of smooth sailing. And I am succeeding - slowly, but surely.

It's been a challenging week, not only physically, but also mentally, as once again I am trying to talk myself into calling a completely strange place my home. As I have mentioned before, leaving Scotland was not easy. I had made it home, with people who had made it home. 

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Trousers - ASOS, T-Shirt - Fraud Clothing, Shoes - Bershka(similar in link), Jacket - Bershka

When I am unsettled with my living environment, my thoughts and I become unsettled, as well. Not that I truly ever am, but even more so than usual. Especially lately, I am in one of these strange moods of - "I am not doing enough, I am not enough". And, it is weird, because for a person looking outside in, they would probably shout "You are doing too much!", and though I recognise my thoughts are irrational, they are still there not letting me rest. 

I have always been and will be a perfectionist, therefore whenever I do something, I will always fuss around whatever it is, sometimes in a very unhealthy manner needing to control things, that aren't really in my capacity to master. And, to clarify, I don't think what I am doing is bad or wrong, or completely terrible. No, I am aware I am a hard worker and I will do what and even more than what needs to be done. I am just starting to realise, that by being like this, I no longer enjoy the process, and make myself feel (I will say the horrible word now) - insecure. 

And I know, the moment I become like this, while also not enjoying what I do, be that my job, or this - it will be completely fruitless. So, the only solution to this is letting it go. And you might think it is insane, if you are a perfectionist/control freak, or know one personally, you will understand that this simply is not something they would be capable of. But, you need to let the reins loose where you can. Maybe not during the complicated, really important routes, but the little things, they need to be let go and forgotten. Because eventually they will gather up and suffocate the good.

So, my lovelies, I hope you are better at learning how to let things go a little bit out of control than I am, and that you learn to be proud of your every step without over analysing your work. It is ok to stop, to not give it your 150%, because believe me - even your 90% will be enough. That's some hard maths for you there, ha. :)

Always yours,
Agita

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