6/21/18

Green Backless Maxi Dress

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Hello lovely people,

I would be lying if I said the past month has been terrible, because it truly hasn't. In fact, it has been wonderful. Filled with days spent in the sun, dog cuddles, afternoons enjoying sunsets in the company of the most remarkable people, bonfire chats with the closest friends, laughter and tears of happiness, and memories that will fill my heart with warmth for the darker days. There are months that ask questions, and then there are months that answer them. Both, factual questions and those that won't form an answer with words, but a feeling instead.



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Dress - ASOS

As humans, none of us are perfect. We are flawed in variation of ways and end of day we each try to do our best at figuring out the giant spectacle of a mess called life. Don't worry, this won't be me writing a short story about the meaning of life or anything like that. What I want to say is, no matter how together someone might look to us, how perfect somebody's life would look from the outside looking in, I can testify to the fact that everyone is dealing with their own internal battle striving for something close to happiness no matter how together their life would look. End of day we each need to start with taking care of our own universe, our own ecosystem first, before we try to accomplish anything else.

I've never felt comfortable with my age up until my recent celebrations. When the rare occasion of me getting ID'd would occur with the person checking my age, asking me how old I am, I would often stare back at them puzzled, not knowing what the correct answer is. I would just show them my proof of identification and let them add the numbers up. Those closest to me have also often heard me complain about being in my twenties, as I believe it is such a puzzling period of your life. And, if I could describe it as an object, I would say it is a very messy, very tangled ball of yarn with no simplification in sight.

When I was much younger I never thought this time would actually involve the most growing up of my life. I thought I had done that during the teenage period of my life and I will just be able to enjoy this time as I'll have it all figured out. Wrong. Up until we turn 21, our bodies change and truly only visually we start to develop in something resembling an adult. We don't really get to experience much of the real world, just a glimpse of all the mess coming our way only until we really start to get into those twenties. Because my expectations of my life and my goals were so different created by my ambition early on in my life, realising I haven't accomplished them made me feel unsettled in myself, feeling unworthy. Only now I have realised that I and only I had created these invisible deadlines for my life, and that in fact, the only true goal I have is to be happy and by being happy, to also be able to create happiness for the people who love me. With me turning 25, I do not think that the growing pains of my twenties have settled, and I know there is still a lot ahead to untangle. However, for the first time in my life I am allowing myself to take my time, whilst also enjoying the person I am today.

To end, I'll leave you with a toast my mum tends to give during happy occasions, and to translate from Latvian, it goes along the lines of - "Lets enjoy our lives, because those who never truly enjoy their lives, in the end themselves become unenjoyable!"

Always yours,

Agita


P.S. The blog has also gained a new "outlook", I hope you guys are liking it! 

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